The B movie topic: Movies so good they are bad!

The B Movie, many incarnations and yet such an under rated genre.
I am a big fan of these films, especially the 50’s era B grade film.
My favorite director of the genre is the ever lovable Ed Wood, the king of the B grade film.
And with good reason, watch Plan 9 from outer space some time :wink:
But you know there are worse films then Plan 9 out there, much much worse.
Manos the hands of fate is without question the worst film ever made, heck it puts Plan 9 to shame with how badly done it is!
Although the film Zardoz is a very close second to it.
Plan 9 is a A grade movie in comparison to these films, trust me.
Now there are a lot of films out there today that can easily be marked in the genre, Battlefield Earth is right up there with Plan 9 in terms of crappyness though Manos will always be king in my opinion.
My favorite films of the genre go like this:
Plan 9
The Blob
The Fly
Return of the living dead
Army of Darkness

the list goes on :smiley:
Later on I will have some personalized reviews of my fave B movies but for now I will let the rest of you talk B movie!

I had no idea what you were on about, so Google found this: **(

Now I get it. But seriously, I wouldn’t waste my life with that ‘B’ stuff it’s a load of B******* (you’ll have to use your imagination - think Farmyard animal and waste product)

I think to some folk it’s kind of a thing - Which, if you like that kind of ‘Thing’, fine.

I’m more a ‘Dude Where’s My Car’ genre - In crappy/classic movies**

For me its fun, I am a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan so it comes with the territory :smiley:
And Dude wheres my car is on my list of faves by the way.

Here is my first review:

I will be judging these films a little differently then you expect, this is my patented (well not so patented) Plan 9 scale.
The scale goes from 1 being the worst B movie in history to 9 being on par or better then Plan 9
There are cheese pieces to add up to the final score, 1 cheese piece for 1 point, nine cheese pieces equal perfect cheese film!
I will start with the infamous Plan 9 from outer space where the name of this scale originally came from

Plan 9:
Well where to start, often considered the worst of the worst Plan 9 is indeed worthy of its reputation.
I guess we start with its director, Edward D Wood Jr, born 10 October 1924, died 10 December 1978.
Born in Poughkeepsie NY Ed Wood always seemed to have stars in his eyes.
He was a big fan of stars such as Béla Lugosi, better known as the classic black and white Dracula (1931)
The two strangely seemed pre destined to meet, Ed Wood was a director in search of his “Citizen Kane” as he often tried to emulate Orson Welles (of the infamous War of The worlds 1938 radio broadcast)
Anyhow Ed Wood was quite unique for his time, a known cross dresser he was often a supporter of those who were like him.
He was not gay by any means, he clearly liked females and often had moderately strong women in his films for that time.
Anyhow he had had well… a awful career as it was before plan 9, with flops like Glen or Glenda and Bride of the monster (both were two of the last films Lugosi made) he already had a reputation of making bad films.
But Plan 9 was his crowning achievement, the film that would make him known as the worst director of all time.

For Plan 9 it seemed that even minute 1 of the film was never going to pass, his original plan was to bring Lugosi in for one more time.
But sadly it was not meant to be, Lugosi died before Ed even began his initial phases for the film.
One disaster after another hit Wood in a tidal wave of crap.
First he had to come up with a new center star for his new film, one of those he targeted was Maila Nurmi AKA Vampira who depending on who you listen to wanted too much money for a speaking role, or refused to speak and went on in the role as a mute on purpose.
His second option was to utilize Sweedish Pro Wrestler Tor Johnson for the speaking role, Tor had already had a long standing career in hollywood as a B list actor starring in films such as The Beast of Yucca Flats and Ed Wood’s own Bride of the Monster.
But Tor was not that good with English, his speaking lines were dreadful in the movie and clearly shown that he was not the American born detective he was supposed to play in plan 9.
The rest of the actors were all second raters such as Duke Moore who had the most roles in a Ed Wood film
And TV psychic Criswell
All were put into the melting pot, but obviously the end result was nothing less then astoundingly convoluted.
There are countless mistakes in the film, bad sets, visible boom mikes, bad acting, countless stock footage, car hop suited aliens, hubcap UFO’s…
The list is endless on how many mistakes Wood made.
But perhaps his biggest goof is to cover up Lugosi died before the film was made, Wood had some shots of Lugosi dressed in his Dracula garb doing a lot of weird nonsense but it was not enough.
He had to have a stand in, Plan 9’s main plot was these aliens in these car hop outfits were using bodies of the recent dead to do their deeds, Lugosi’s character was brought in for this reason.
But after Lugosi’s death Wood had no clue where to go, luckily his wifes chiropractor had a very similar head to Lugosi (above the nose and jaw line)
To stand in for Lugosi he had this chiropractor dress up in this Dracula cape but the ENTIRE time he had to cover his face.
Only his forehead and upper ears were ever shown.

But outside the incredibly long laundry list of errors there is actually a positive message to the film, that weapons development could get so out of control that we could bring an end to not only us but the entire universe, Ed Wood saw first hand the horrors of war when he fought in world war II.
He became a supporter of peace, he had wished that plan 9 would serve as a warning to those who made the bombs.
But Ed’s dreams were always bigger then his reality, his vision too bold and his ambition uncontrolled.
Wood wanted to make films that spoke to people, but he seemed he could not speak English himself.
Looking at this film the first time you can see all the mistakes you want but upon further viewing you can see some of the message he wanted to give.
In total its very easy to target this film as a bad movie, but trust me there is far far worse.

So looking back lets take in the score:

Acting: 2 Pieces of cheese
Effects: 1 Piece of cheese
Directing: 1 Piece of cheese
Production: 1 Piece of cheese
Cast: 2 Pieces of cheese
Concept: 2 Pieces of Cheese

Perfect plan 9 score! (no surprise)

Best line of the movie:
Eros: Can you see or measure an atom? Yet you can explode one. A ray of sunlight is made up of many atoms!
Jeff Trent: So what if we do develop this Solanite bomb? We’d be even a stronger nation than now.
Eros: [with disgust] Stronger. You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!

Worst lines:
Every word uttered from Tor Johnson’s mouth

caf4926 wrote:

> I had no idea what you were on about, so Google found this: ‘B movie -
> Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia’ (
> Now I get it. But seriously, I wouldn’t waste my life with that ‘B’
> stuff it’s a load of B******* (you’ll have to use your imagination -
> think Farmyard animal and waste product)
> I think to some folk it’s kind of a thing - Which, if you like that
> kind of ‘Thing’, fine.
> I’m more a ‘Dude Where’s My Car’ genre - In crappy/classic movies

A few B-movies I’ve seen were better than the accompanying, so-called A-
movie. One I remember from about 35 years ago was “Slither”, starring
James Caan. Much better than the accompanying A-movie - whatever that was.

One that also sticks in my mind - but for its title, not its quality -
accompanied “Some Like it Hot”. It was a movie featuring naturists and
carefully sited hedges and beach-balls and was titled “Some Like it Cool!”

Graham P Davis, Bracknell, Berks., UK. E-mail: newsman not newsboy
“I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.”

Hey TaraIkeda:

>Mystery Science Theater 3000

Great movie that is! However, I think the absolute king of B movies is
Monty Python’s Holy Grail.

Kim (6/1/2009 10:18:01 AM Mountain)

Monty Python and the Holy grail is funny :smiley:

Now to change the pace i will give a review of one of the WORST B movies I have ever seen.

Next on my list is a travesty of a film, a movie so vile, so bad that just thinking about it can drive you insane.
I shall give you now the review of one of the worst movies of all time, I will bring you all the woesome tale of…

Manos: The hands of Fate:

Imagine you and your family are on a nice little trip to the country, you get hopelessly lost and then see a small cabin.
You stop and then get out to ask for directions, and then you see a odd man dressed up worse then a hobo who seems to have goat legs.
You are a little creeped out by this guy but you and your family are tired and spend the night at this cottage…
But as the night goes on unusual things happen and you soon realize that the place is owned by a demonic man who wants the women in your group to be his brides and the males all dead.
Sounds like a fairly decent plot to a good horror film right?
This ladies and gentlemen is the main plot of one of the worst travesties in film history.
This movie is the sum of all your nightmares, it is spewed out of the mouth of the devil himself (if there is one) but not because its a scary film, but its scary this stupid movie was made to even begin with!
Heck if there is a devil this movie is actually more evil then even it could possibly imagine, for the main reason this movie is so vile evil and cruel is because NOTHING SCARY HAPPENS IN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Heck the most exciting thing in the entire movie can be summed up in one word:
The legendary Torgo, the most lame movie monster there ever was.
But before we get into Torgo who was actually the highlight of the film, we get into what made this movie so bad in the first place.
And what better place to find a big*steaming pile of crap then a fertilizer salesman.

His name was Harold P. Warren, a want to be director who’s biggest income was selling poo.
What bigger irony too that this film stinks more then the most foul smelling piece of crap you can think of.
It started as a bet, Warren made a bet with Stirling Silliphant who is known for things such as The Towering Inferno (1974) and The Poseidon Adventure (1972)… a bet that he won surprisingly.
Silliphant betted that Warren could not make a film on such small budget, but Warren indeed did it…
To the dismay of all creation.
So with a 16 mm Bell & Howell camera that had to be wound by hand and could only take 32 seconds of film at a time he set off into climatic infamy.

So here we are with this film that starts off slow, and stays slow throughout the entire movie.
As we begin this movie have about say 10 minutes it seems of mindless footage of farmland, no action, little dialog and really cheesy music in the background.
We finally get to Torgo, as I said he is the highlight of the entire film.
See his grand entrance:

TaraIkeda adjusted his/her AFDB on Monday 01 Jun 2009 18:16 to write:

> Overall: a really bad piece of crap scoring of 1, even that is pushing
> it
> Best line of the movie:
> Torgo: I am Torgo. I take care of the place while the Master is away.
> Worst lines:
> Every other line in this miserable piece of ^&*@> movie!!!

Now don`t hold back there, what did you really think of it ?


This film I gotta see.

I wonder if it is on a torrent anywhere clickety clackity…

Oh! noes, there is is in all its 600+ meg beauty, well that looks like I
have something to watch later this week.

Thanks for the wonderful write-up, you should become a film critic, you
could sell sand to the Eskimos err Inuits, whatever and ice to the Arabs (
bet that ain`t PC either )


Nurse!!! more brandy please and some more of those there purple pills.



Nullus in verba
Nil illegitimi carborundum