Are you a Red-Neck, a Troll, or a Fearless Troll Hunter?

English Soapbox
#1

Who are you and what do you love about the freedom to associate with the OpenSuSE community?

Some biologists (and moderators) suggest there are three primary types of trolls.

Type one: Wandering trolls which can strike randomly or with purpose. These beasts never remain stationary and are constantly on the move looking for victims. Once they find a suitable target they take great rewards by sucking the emotional and psychic energy right out of the victims when they can.

Type two: Stationary trolls which protect certain locations. In the past these trolls would frequently hide under bridges, or behind stones, lurking in ambush to strike unsuspecting prey. Now you find the majority of stationary trolls on the Internet, working for banks, insurance companies, telecommunications, and technology companies. Pickup your phone, or get connected, and you will do battle with a stationary troll.

Type three: Neander Trolls… the worst. They can roam or be stationary. Neander Trolls are cunning beasts. They can mask their true looks and demeanor. They strive to infiltrate the communities of their prey. Neander Trolls can hunt alone but they prefer to hunt in packs. Packs of Neander Trolls can organize and usurp great tracks of land and resources from their victims. Neander Trolls can enslave large numbers of the other two types of Trolls and use them like slaves to mindlessly do their bidding. Neander Trolls are found all over. Look around you might be looking at a Neander Troll right now. Neander Troll packs love to infiltrate Hi-Tech, Religious, Educational, Community services, and Charitable organizations. After having successfully infiltrated an organization or community… Neander Trolls feed on the chaos, suffering, and confusion they cause. As was stated earlier… Neander Trolls are the worst.

If you want a challenge you can try to capture and domesticate a Troll… try to domesticate a Stationary Troll. A Stationary troll can be house broken.

If your day has been disturbed by a Wandering Troll… ignore it and it will go away.

If you face a pack of Neander Trolls… contact Dorothy the Real Estate Agent and buy a decommissioned nuclear missle silo and then move to Kansas.

If you’re a troll go find a wishing well and toss in some quarters while wishing to be a hobbit. Alternatively you can call up a fairie god mother and see if she takes personal checks.

Adjusting tin-foil hat closing silo doors

:slight_smile:

#2

I dare you all to respond!

Call it all out and make your stand. Let us all have some fun.

#3

You only write of the Lan-based Trolls, you forget the Water-dwelling Trolls.

Of the Aquatic Trolls there are two sub-species

Type 4a.) Bait users.
These are your basic Maritime Trolls that use the old, but tried and true, method of presenting a tasty tidbit. Though usually ignored by the “Lunker”, Forum regulars, every now and then, one will snatch at the free food. Unlike the small fry that just nibble at the bait, Lunkers hit with savagery and sometimes snap the Thread if the line is not strong enough.

The Bait using Trolls can play a Forum “Lunker” for hours until they wear them out. This provides great Sport and fun, since to keep the Lunker hooked takes considerable skill. It is still advisable to use a net when getting ready to “boat” the catch however as even after being reeled in you can still lose the catch. One should use the Gaff for the more dangerous ones.

Type 4b.) Artificial Fly users
These are the “Purist” of the Aquatic Trolls. Disdaining the “Bait” crowd, this group spend their off trolling hours perfecting the ultimate “Bug”. They study their victims with care and strive to match the hook to what they know will cause the unsuspecting target to bite at it. You will never find the Fly Trolls going after anything but the “Trophy” Forum Users. Though strangely enough, most of the Fly Trollers practice “Catch and Release” and avoid using Barbs that could make it difficult to un hook.

Then of course there is also the Females of all the Troll Species, “Trollops”. This can be considered a Separate Group of Troll (avoid stereo typing this group) since they are Unfathomable by the Males. However they may be the most dangerous of all the Trolls to deal with.

That pretty well sums up the Planet bound Trolls, the Alien Trolls can be interesting as well with their need to capture and “probe” and their victims. This however is outside the scope of the Topic and should be started as a new Thread.

#4

Those Alien Trolls are suppose to be responsible for all those topic, subject, sentence, word, and cattle mutilations. I think there is an x-file episode about them.

Then…

We’ll get talking about Undead Trolls… and then Blizzard will sue us all!

#5

well done! rotfl!

#6

xkcd - A Webcomic - Troll Slayer

I find this relevant to the current thread.